Die Zeit zwischen August 2000 und September 2002 lebte und arbeitete ich in den USA. Damals überlegte ich, vor Ort ein Studium der Fotografie zu absolvieren und verbrachte viel Zeit damit, die Umgebungen mit meiner Kamera, einer Canon EOS 300 (Japan: Kiss III; USA: Rebel 2000), zu erkunden. Dies war noch die Zeit der Analogfotografie, und es war ein ständiges Ringen zwischen Schnappschuß und Überlegung.
Das „The Blue Ridge Mountains“ Abenteuer
Eine Tour von Alabama durch den Chattahoochee National Forest (Georgia), den Nantahala National Forest (North Carolina), via Asheville und die Appalachen bis nach Cherokee National Forest. Fotografischer Versuch einer Sonnenuntergangsszene.
Gateway Arch National Park, St. Louis, Missouri
Delaware – The First State
The City of Brotherly Love
Golf von Mexiko
NYC, New York
„Being in America lifted up my heart. But it was a long, hard struggle to learn the new ways of life all by myself. Learning to speak a new language like your mother-tongue changes your thoughts, it changes your personality. Sometimes this hurts.
Being far away from your home appears extremely easy. You don’t feel the wounds in your soul caused by the apparent loss of your original home, but you grow with the amount of scars. I still sit alone in cafés. I seem to be taking that anywhere. But why am I hurting inside so fiercely? Life is a farce, but it can be so beautiful. I follow the beauty. But the beauty can be disastrous and lead a longing heart into more pain. What other way is there than to live and to love? Yet, inside me is a war, and this war is monstrous. It is because I’m afraid of death. The pressure of the whole world seems to be lasting on my heart. I am alone, and I have to live this life on my own. No matter what comes, I will have to stand it, sometimes stand there and watch, being driven by pain. Love will come, though. Life takes more than giving yourself away. It takes action. If you teach people about what you know, if you teach them about love, if you aren’t pain-driven but love-driven and worry, but never too much, you will be framed, leaving one edge open. People can discover themselves in each other. I want to be loved.
To be honest: To be alone is the easiest kind of war against yourself. But in the end, I wanted everybody to love me. I believe that if I seek love, I will find love. Love will find me. But love can be a curse, love is difficult. It’s dynamic, never the same. It makes you feel strong, but then it puts you down, smashes you down until you bleed and you grow scars!
I dedicate this to my Soulmate, the only true love I ever had in my life and that will ever be. Thank you; with a smile on my face I want to tell you that I might be young. But in the end, you will realize that I loved you through everything that happened.“
(Defer, Alabama, 2001)